I knew this eccentric Frenchman who raises carp in the south of France. When the carp are full grown, he catches them, skins them, and makes men's wallets out of the skins. He is, in fact, a man known for his carp to carp walleting.
An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man all entered a 26 mile long swimming race. After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out. Then after 16 miles the English man gets tired and drops out. After 25 miles the Irish man decides he can't finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start.
A man was passing a country estate and saw a sign on the gate. It read: "Please ring bell for the caretaker." He rang the bell and an old man appeared. "Are you the caretaker?" the fellow asked. "Yes, I am," replied the old man. "What do you want?" "I'd just like to know why you can't ring the bell yourself."