Sunday, September 9. 2007
Bumper Sticker:
When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case Heaven is like the IRS.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
Doing your own income tax return is a lot like a do-it-yourself mugging.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
A political promise today means another tax tomorrow.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
Q: Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?
A: Because for every $50 that you earn, you get $10 and they get $40.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
Income tax forms should be printed on Kleenex
because so many of us have to pay through the nose.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
Isn't it appropriate that the month when the taxes are due begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of "May Day!"?
Sunday, September 9. 2007
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
Sunday, September 9. 2007
A fool and his money are soon parted.
The rest of us wait until income tax time.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
A man walks into a store followed by his ten-year-old son. His son is spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. While walking through the store someone bumps into the boy and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face. His dad starts panicking and shouts and screams for help.
A middle-aged, fairly unnoticeable man in a gray suit is sitting at the snack bar in the store reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, he looks up, puts his coffee down, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way towards the boy. When he reaches the boy, the man carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and squeezes, gently but firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the man catches in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat at the snack bar without saying a word.
As soon as the dad makes sure that his son is OK, he rushes over to the man and starts thanking him saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before. It was fantastic! Are you a doctor?"
"Oh, good Heavens, no," the man replies, "I work for the Internal Revenue Service."
Sunday, September 9. 2007
America is the land of opportunity. Everyone can become a taxpayer.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
The latest income-tax form has been greatly simplified. It consists of only three parts:
1. How much did you make last year?
2. How much do you have left?
3. Send amount listed in part 2.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A: Depreciation.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
Whomever said that truth never hurts never had to fill out a Form 1040.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
Drive carefully.
Uncle Sam needs every taxpayer he can get.
Sunday, September 9. 2007
Q: Why is a tax loophole like a good parking spot?
A: As soon as you see one, it's gone.