Indian Jokes

A Sardarni competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.

The French woman came in first, the English woman second.

The Sardarni finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my karma ran over your dogma."

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

Herolal is driving down the Delhi-Amritsar highway, when he spots Bhola standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Bhola is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

Herolal gets out of the car, walks all the way out to Bhola and asks him, "Excuse me, what are you doing?"

Bhola replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks Herolal, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Noble Prize to people who are out standing in their field."

The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.

A saadhu (saint) and a shikaari (hunter) meet in a forest. The shikaari sees a bird and shoots.

He misses and exclaims: "Behanchood! I missed".

The saadhu says killing animals is wrong as it is and using dirty language when not succeeding makes it worse. After some time the shikaari sees a deer and shoots.

He misses again and shouts: "Lund saalaa! phir sae missed"

The saadhu warns him: "If you use such crass language again. I will call upon the Gods to curse you."

This time the hunter spots an elephant at ten meters range. He shoots and still misses and cries out: "Gaanduu! Missed even this."

The saint loses his tolerance and prays: "O God. This man has sinned thrice in front of a saint, despite warnings. Take him away."

"Thooom!" There is a lightning bolt from the sky and the saadhu is vaporised. Awestruck, the shikaari looks towards the sky and hears a thunder "Bhoonsadiwaalae! I missed too."

A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray.

"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

The Sardarji goes back to the synagogue. "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!

Back to the temple... "My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of the God: "SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET".

Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father." Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?"

"No son, that's because you are intelligent. " Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this
because I am Sardar ??"

"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father. Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"

The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."

A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face -- some even look a little frightened -- and Clinton isn't in the room.

"What's the matter?" he asked

"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news."

"What's the bad news?"

"India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site; Pakistan has done the same at their proving area; and China is warning them both that this could lead to regional war -- that may go nuclear."

"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"

"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viagra."

A Master Thief in London was giving a Coaching Class on Stealing and had students from all over the world. The Indian happened to be a Sardar. After several grueling classes on Theory came the final and decisive class of all, a practical demo.

The master took all his pupils to a house nearby in the darkness of night and entered that. But by mistake he overturns a vase.

Owner : Who's that?

Master: Miaooow...

The owner is satisfied and goes back to sleep. Mission accomplished.

The Sardar is very impressed. Returning to Punjab, he decides to open a similar class for his fellow Sardars. Does so and follows the same schedule of theory classes.

Then he goes for the demo with his pupils. Enters the house of a rich Sardar in darkness, and tells the other Sardars, " These are the various steps for stealing. You just observe. " Firstly, he goes and overturns a vase.

Owner : Koun Hai ? ( Who's that ? )

Sardar : Mai Billi . ( I am the cat.)

Owner : Oh, Billi ( Oh. Cat.) and goes back to sleep.

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."

Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."

This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour,
he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to
get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.