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A Kerryman went to London and found himself

Sunday, September 9. 2007

A Kerryman went to London and found himself in the Underground late one night. Seeing a notice "DOGS MUST BE CARRIED ON THE ESCALATOR", he moaned to himself, "And where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?"

Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:51

What do you call a Kerryman on a bicycle?

Sunday, September 9. 2007

What do you call a Kerryman on a bicycle?

A dope peddler.
Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:50

by the time that year is up, the three men who are in the class

Sunday, September 9. 2007

by the time that year is up, the three men who are in the class
will no longer stutter. Well, about 11 months went by and the
men were not stuttering as much. So in the 12th month, the woman
says,"well, this whole thing is almost over and you still
stutter. I know how i can get you to stop. I will ask you where
you're from, and if you can tell me the city without stuttering,
i will have mad sex with you."
The next class the woman asks the first man,"what city were you
born in?" The man says," Nnnnnnew Yyyyyorrk."
She asks the second man,"what city do you live in now?"
The man replies,"Pppppittsbbbburg."
She asks the third man, "Where do you live now?"
The third man says,"Miami..."
They then make mad love for hours.
After they're done, the man says,"Bbbbeach."
Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:49

What's the difference between a Clareman and a bucket of fertiliser?

Sunday, September 9. 2007

What's the difference between a Clareman and a bucket of fertiliser?

The bucket.
Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:27

What is red and white and floats upside down on the River Liffey?

Sunday, September 9. 2007

What is red and white and floats upside down on the River Liffey?

A Dubliner caught telling Kerrymen jokes.
Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:26

Jimmy-Joe finds a Genie lamp and rubs it.

Sunday, September 9. 2007

Jimmy-Joe finds a Genie lamp and rubs it. Out comes the Genie and asks "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes, what would you like"

Jimmy-Joe scratches his head, then answers "A bottle of Guinness that never gets empty. "Granted master" retorted the Genie and produced the bottle. Jimmy-Joe was delighted and got drunk on this one magic Guiness bottle for weeks then he remembered that he had two other wishes.

He rubbed the lamp again and the Genie appeared. "Yes master, you have two more wishes, what would you like?" "You know that magic, never ending Guinness bottle" he asks the Genies. "Well, for my final two wishes, I'd like another two of them"
Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:26

A man hired a Kerryman as an assistant to take phone

Sunday, September 9. 2007

A man hired a Kerryman as an assistant to take phone calls. One day the phone rang and when the Kerryman answered he hung up immediately.

"Who was that?" asked his boss.

"Some fool saying it was a long distance from New York. I told him everybody knew that."
Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:25

O'Connell was staggering home with

Sunday, September 9. 2007

O'Connell was staggering home with a small bottle of Paddy in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"
Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:25

My god! What happened to you?" the bartender

Sunday, September 9. 2007

My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley."

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised.

"He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did--Mrs. Riley's left breast." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"
Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:24

Sign in an Irish pub:

Sunday, September 9. 2007

"This establishment closes at 11 o'clock sharp. We are open from 10 a.m. until 11 p.m. and if you haven't had enough to drink at that hour the management feels that you haven't really been trying."
Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:24

You can't kiss an Irish girl unexpectedly

Sunday, September 9. 2007

You can't kiss an Irish girl unexpectedly. You can only kiss her sooner than she thought you would...
Posted by Dirk in Irish Jokes at 22:24
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