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A Jew applied for a visa to leave for America

Sunday, September 9. 2007

A Jew applied for a visa to leave for America. As his reason, he indicated that he had a brother in America who fell ill and needed help. The officials at the passport office said, "Then why won't your brother rather come over here?"

"My brother is sick, but he's not mentally sick."
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:18

Some thirty people gathered to celebrate

Sunday, September 9. 2007

Some thirty people gathered to celebrate the birthday of the host. After a few bottles of vodka were imbibed, the tongues got loose, and the guests started telling political jokes. Through laughter, a voice sounded, "Comrades, please, it's too noisy. In such a noise, I can't hear the jokes. I am writing it down, you know."

A man sitting next to the one who's writing down, says admiringly, "How do you manage to write down that fast?"

"Oh, I'm writing down only the initials."
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:18

A judge walks out of the courtroom

Sunday, September 9. 2007

A judge walks out of the courtroom, laughing loudly. A colleague asks, "What is it you laugh about?"

"Ah, I just heard an excellent anecdote," the judge says, sweeping tears of laughter.

"An anecdote? Tell me!"

"Are you crazy? I just sentenced a man to ten years for that anecdote."
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:17

Seven paradoxes of the socialist state:

Sunday, September 9. 2007

Seven paradoxes of the socialist state:

Nobody works, but the plan is always fulfilled. The plan is fulfilled, but the shelves in the stores are empty. The shelves are empty, but nobody starves; nobody starves, but everybody is unhappy; everybody is unhappy, but nobody complains; nobody complains, but the jails are full.
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:17

A delegation of foreign communists came

Sunday, September 9. 2007

A delegation of foreign communists came to see a Moscow kindergarten. Before they came, the kids were instructed to answer every question by the visitors with just one sentence, "In the USSR everything is the best in the world."

The visitors came and asked their questions:

"Children, do you like your kindergarten?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!" the kids shouted.

"And what about the food you get?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!"

"Do you like your toys?"

"In the USSR everything is the best in the world!"

At that, the smallest boy in the group started crying.

"Misha, why are you crying? What happened?"

"I want to go to the USSR!"
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:16

On the occasion of the anniversary of the Great October

Sunday, September 9. 2007

On the occasion of the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution, a meeting of Party members is held in a village. The Chairman of the local Soviet gives a speech,

"Dear comrades! Let's look at the amazing achievements of our Party after the revolution. For example, here sits Maria. Who was she before? An illiterate peasant woman, she had but one dress and no shoes. And now? She is an exemplary milkmaid known over the entire region. Or look at Ivan Andreev. He was the poorest man in this village, had no horse, no cow, and even no axe. And now? He is a tractor driver, and has two pairs of shoes! Or look at Trofim Semenovich Alekseev. He was a nasty hooligan, a lowest drunkard, a dirty gadabout. Nobody trusted him even with a snowdrift in wintertime, as he would steal anything his gaze fell upon. And now he's a Secretary of the Party Committee!"
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:16

An university Professor of Folklore asked his

Sunday, September 9. 2007

An university Professor of Folklore asked his students, "Do you believe that with time anecdotes are being reevaluated?"

"Yes. They used to give for an anecdote fifteen years, and now they give only three."
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:16

A man walked into the district committee

Sunday, September 9. 2007

A man walked into the district committee of the Communist Party and said, "I wish to join the Party. Where should I start?"

"Visit a Psychiatrist."
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:15

In the Olympics, a Soviet hammer thrower

Sunday, September 9. 2007

In the Olympics, a Soviet hammer thrower set a new record. Correspondents interviewed him.

"How did you manage to hurl that hammer so far?"

"If it were together with a sickle, I would send it twice as far."
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:15

In a school, a survey was a conducted among

Sunday, September 9. 2007

In a school, a survey was a conducted among the students. One of the questions was "Would you suggest a classification of Soviet citizens in accordance with any criterion you may choose?"

The son of a KGB officer answered: 'There are three categories of Soviet people, namely, 1) those who have already been to prison; 2) those who are now in prison, and 3) those who will be in prison."
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:14

In a prison, two inmates share their experience.

Sunday, September 9. 2007

In a prison, two inmates share their experience.

"What did they arrest you for?" one of them asks. "Was it a political or common crime?"

"Of course political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system requires replacement.' So, they gave me seven years."
Posted by Dirk in Russian Jokes at 23:14
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