Monday, September 10. 2007
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
Monday, September 10. 2007
Love is holding hands in the street
Marriage is holding arguments in the street
Monday, September 10. 2007
A seventy year old man is over head over heels in love with a twenty year old girl. But it isn't mutual. Grandpa decides to do something about it: fitness, plastic surgery, everything is done to make him look more youthful. And with success, a couple of months later he walks out of the church a married man, holding the hand of his beautiful bride. Great is his anger when at that time a bus runs over him and kills him. Furious he walks up to the angel Gabrielle at the gate of heaven and says: "How can you do this to me now that I've finally got what I wanted!" Gabrielle laughs painfully and says: "Sorry man but I just didn't recognize you."
Monday, September 10. 2007
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Monday, September 10. 2007
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.
The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!!"
Monday, September 10. 2007
Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornados and hail.
Monday, September 10. 2007
Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Its is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.
When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.
A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.
For the groom:
at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
Monday, September 10. 2007
Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
Monday, September 10. 2007
Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing his wedding ring. She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?" He replied, "It cuts off my circulation."
She answered back, "It's supposed to!"
Monday, September 10. 2007
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.
Monday, September 10. 2007
Marriage is like the army, everyone complains, but you'd be surprised how many re-enlist.
Monday, September 10. 2007
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better.
Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
Monday, September 10. 2007
One golfer to another: First it was my marriage; now, the magic has gone out of my nine iron too.
Monday, September 10. 2007
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
Monday, September 10. 2007
My husband-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office for our marriage license. After recording the vital information--names, dates
of birth, etc--the clerk handed me our license and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."