Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny was at sunday school one day and the teacher was asking the kids where they thought Jesus was.Mary said "I think Jesus is in my heart" Paul said," I think Jesus is in heaven" But then little Johnny said" I KNOW Jesus is in my bathroom because every morning my daddy is pounding on the door yelling, "Jesus Christ are you sill in there!"

One Day in class little johnny needed to go to the bathroom and he yell out,"i need to take a piss!" and the teacher said,"Now Johnny that is not the proper word to use, the correct word is Uranate, please use the word uranate in a sentence and i will let you go." little johnny thinks for a min. and says,"your and eight but you'd be a ten if you'd let me go piss!"

little johnny was in class one day and the teacher asked "Which part of the body goes to heaven first?" Little johnny was raising his hand but the teacher called on clyde. clyde said "I think its the heart." Little Johnny was still raising his hand but the teacher wouldn't call on him so she instead called on carl. carl said "I think its the brain." Little Johnny was still raising his hand and finally the teacher decided that he couldn't twist this into a bad thing. she called on little Johnny and he said "I think its the feet because I walked past my parents room and my mom had her feet pointing towards the ceiling and she said 'Oh God Im COMING!!"

One day little johnny was in class when his teacher announced every friday she would ask a question and whom ever answered it correctly wouldn't have to come to school on monday. The first friday came along, and she asked "How many gallons of water is there in the world?" No one knew. So little johnny decided to wait until next friday, so he could get it right. The second friday came along, and the teacher asked, how many grains of sand is there in the whole world? No one knew. Johnny was getting angry, because he really didn't want to go to school on Monday. So when the third friday came along johnny decided to paint to ping-pong balls black. Right before the teacher asked the question, he rolled the ping-pong balls at her feet. The teacher said, "Who's the comedian with the 2 black balls?" "Bill Cosby" johnny said, "See ya Tuesday!"

Little Johnny goes to school one day and the teacher has a brown paper bag
She reaches her hand in it and says it's round, it's got a stem, and it's got a leaf.
Little Johnny raises his hand and says it's an apple, it's an apple.
Then he says now let me give you one.
He reaches his hand in his pocket and says it's round, it's hard , and it's got a head.
The teacher says Ohh Johnny that's grose.
Little Johnny says no it's a quater but I like the way you're thinking.

little johnny was in class one day when his teacher was reading a story to the class she said "and so the little pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said excuse me sir but can i please borrow some of that straw to build my house" and the teacher says "and what do you think that man said?" and then little johnny raised his hand and said "i think he said holly shit a talking pig"!!

Little Johnny was in class one day and the teacher asked "can anybody use the word fascinate in a sentence?" Johnny raised his hand. But because of past experiances the teacher called on billy.
"I went to the zoo and i was fascinated"
"No, Billy we want fascinate."
Johnny was raising his hand, but the teacher called on sally.
"The animals at the zoo were fascinating"
"No, Sally we want fascinate"
Little Johnny was standing up raising his hand jumping and wanting to be called on. well the teacher fiqured that johnny could never be bad with the word fascinate.So the teacher finally called on johnny...
"My sister has a shirt with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8.

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods.
Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.
Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND...."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.

He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

One day little Johnny was at the post office. He went up to the clerk and said "do you have any peanuts", the clerk with a quizzled look, though about it for a few seconds then said "ya, two ya little homo" then johnny said "oh haha, lol, im so funny"