Saturday, October 6. 2007
To prove it isn?t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually ?Chuck Norris?more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris?robot in disguise,? and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother?s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can?t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't pluck up the courage to tell him
Saturday, October 6. 2007
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more ?humane?.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
Chuck Norris is said to have roundhouse kicked a McDonald's so hard that it became a Wendy's.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of ?beard?. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus? obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse? horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Saturday, October 6. 2007
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn?t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Saturday, October 6. 2007
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK?s head exploded out of sheer amazement.