Tuesday, October 2. 2007
Q: What's got 400 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row of a Hanson concert
Tuesday, October 2. 2007
Snoop Dogg had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet his wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to conscious, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got arrested, you were there to support me. When my movies flopped, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....
I think you bring me bad luck!"
Monday, October 1. 2007
It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road,
when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out.
The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's Ass"
The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's Ass."
Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark."
Monday, October 1. 2007
Q:Which Search Engine does Arnold Schwarzenegger use?
A: Alta Vista baby.
Monday, October 1. 2007
Bill Gates died in an accident involving a misguided pie which was thrown at him by an angry Macintosh protester. Because of his achievements in life, it was decided that he should go to heaven.
God Personally showed Bill around heaven, displaying the Waterfalls, Great Forests, Lagoon's and Wet-T-shirt contests that are held regularly. Bill was impressed by all of them and kept nodding his head in approval, which pleased God because he enjoyed pleasing others.
When they finished the tour, God took Bill into his Throne room and sat down on the blindingly shiny throne. God asked Bill how he had enjoyed heaven so far, and Bill replied;
"It's been great, but you're in my chair."
Monday, October 1. 2007
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA - I came, I saw, I shopped.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
Strange! No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Monday, October 1. 2007
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest song?
A: "Don't let your son go down on me."
Monday, October 1. 2007
A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to
his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little
boy's mind, sat him and said: "God is not a man or a woman, and God is not
black or white."
To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?"
Monday, October 1. 2007
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?
A: "Feel the World."
Monday, October 1. 2007
Q: What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?
A: Chocolate-chip cookie DOH!