Grandmother Jokes

My grandmother moved in with our family of five. As I was brushing my teeth one morning, she tapped on the door. "Is anyone in there?" she called.
I mumbled an answer, to which she replied, "Is that a yes or a no?"

I didn't know if my granddaughter has learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask her what color it was. She would tell me and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself."

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up.
"All the ladies down on the floor," one handsome robber commanded.
"My grandmother too?" the little girl asked.
"Yes, your grandmother too!"
"All the ladies on the floor, pull up your dresses."
"My grandmother too?"
"Yes, your grandmother too! All ladies will now remove their panties."
"Surely you don't mean my grandmother too?" asked the little girl.
Becoming angry, the handsome robber shouted, "YES, YOUR GRANDMOTHER TOO! Now, all the ladies on the floor are to spread their legs apart."
When the little girl started to ask if her grandmother was included, her grandmother snarled, "YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID!"

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."

A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"